Philippine Realities: A Comprehensive Look at Dating

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone. It has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.

Ursula Le Guin wrote that passage in her book "The Lathe of Heaven." Its beauty lies not in its eloquence, but in how well it captures the reality of love.

When people talk about finding love, many prefer the parts of it that seem fantastical. The highest of highs, just as those who failed at love prefer to lament the lowest of its lows. Just as the quote above describes, the truth of love is somewhere in the middle, where lots of willful effort and work is needed.

Those in search of love in the Philippines, for example, need to know that not everything will be sunshine and rainbows, nor will it always be doom and gloom. Philippine realities can be remarkably similar to others, while exuding its own unique nuances. If you're looking to learn all about it on your own journey for a lasting love, then you're in luck.

Read on and broaden your knowledge on dating and relationship realities in the Philippines.

What Filipino Women Want

To find love in the Philippines, you must discover how to best woo the women. To do that, you must learn what they want. Fortunately, they aren't all that different from those in other countries, but it pays to take certain facts into account.

First, despite the westernization of the country, the Philippines retains a largely conservative culture. That means the vast majority of its women will respond better to conservative moves on your part.

Displays of respect are paramount, even if they seem old fashioned or slower in pace than what you are used to. For much of traditional Filipino dating, there was-and still is-a tradition known as panliligaw (courtship, root word ligaw). Filipina women like it when you exert effort in your hopes of winning their heart. Those unfamiliar with the term must understand it as a drawn-out courtship.

During panliligaw, it isn't surprising for the man to do the following:

Serenading the Woman They are Interested In

Classic panliligaw involves a man singing to a woman, particularly outside her bedroom window. It may be done alone, but it is also traditional for men to bring along his friends to support him, usually by playing the instruments while he serenades the girl he's courting.

Writing and Sending Love Letters

By now, it should be clear that the process of traditional Filipino courtship also resembles classical western courtship. Love letters, it would seem, is practically a universal act. Before the age of instant messaging and apps, men poured their heart out for the women they love through pen and paper. Old fashioned as this is, few Filipino women would refuse such a heart-felt gesture.

Giving of Gifts to the Woman

First singing, then letters, so what comes next? Well, it can be whatever gifts you can think of to give her. Chocolates will do, just to give an example, especially those the woman can share with jealous sisters or encouraging friends. More expensive or extravagant gifts aren't necessary, especially if it is very early in the courtship process.

Organizing a Series of Dates

If you have your eyes on a certain Filipina, then surprise her. Take her somewhere nice and cozy. Make her feel special with your creativity and effort as you plan date after date after date. Take note that as you do this, the two of you are hardly together or official. Yet, doing this will go a long way in establishing your feelings and respectful intentions.

What to Expect from Filipina Women

Part of learning and accepting Philippine social realities is setting your expectations of the country's women. After all, it takes two to tango. You may be clear on what you have to do to win them over, but that's only half the battle. Read on to learn all about Filipina personalities and tendencies.

They Have Warm and Loving Personalities

One of the key traits of Filipinas is their warmth and great capacity for love. Most of them are natural caretakers, which is why men from all over the world find them so attractive. If you manage to date one, then know that you are in for a treat. Provided, of course, that you also treat them right in turn.

They Can Be Overprotective and Possessive

With all that warmth and love also comes another side to Filipina women. They are also known to be overprotective. There are times when this can feel like a good thing, but when there's too much of it, then it can get difficult to deal with. Some are also known to be quite jealous and possessive. Though this doesn't apply to all individuals, it is better to come prepared.

They Can Be Both Passionate and Demure

Filipino society trains women to be demure, or at least appear so. This falls in line with their overall conservatism, but that's not to say that Filipinas are always like that. In truth, they can be wildly passionate, even if they aren't as open about it as other women.

They are Often Quite Religious

With more than 86% of the population being Roman Catholic, it is an undeniable Philippines reality that the Filipina that catches your eye is bound to be religious. If you are the same way, great. If you aren't or if you practice a different religion, then you'll have to prepare yourself for whatever issues or adjustments you'll have to deal with in your relationship.

The Dos and Don'ts of a Healthy Relationship With a Filipina

Having made it so far as to actually start dating a Filipina, you may feel tempted to sit back and relax. The hard part is over; it's time to enjoy the fruits of your labors. However, that's where many men-Filipino or not-stumble. The truth is, the work has only just begun.

If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your new Filipina girlfriend in the hopes of progressing it even further, then here are a few crucial dos and don'ts that you will need to keep in mind:

Do: Respect the Little Details of Her Culture

It goes without saying that there will be cultural differences between a Filipina and any foreign man she chooses to date. Some may seem fairly minor. Others will be major differences and will take getting used to. No matter how difficult things get, it is important for you to remain respectful and adaptive.

When it comes to aspects of the culture that you may not completely understand or enjoy, find ways to adjust to it. For example, there is the notorious "Filipino time," which is often used to justify chronic lateness.

Though far from a great thing, openly complaining or venting about it to your Filipina girlfriend may not yield the change you want, especially if she unconsciously practices it. Be understanding, compassionate, and patient. At least, as much as you reasonably can.

Don't: Underestimate the Importance of Family

Filipinos are close to their families to the point of it being one of their most notable traits. In dating a Filipina, it is often said that you also end up dating their family by extension. This is hardly an exaggeration in most cases.

You will end up meeting her family sooner or later, spending time with them, and being subjected to their approval, judgment, and everything in between. If this is something that you are not comfortable with, or used to, then it's time to wake up to the reality you find yourself in.

Do: Remain Respectful and Proper

If your patience, respectfulness, and proper courtship of your Filipina girlfriend got you to the dance, then there's no reason for that to change any time soon. It would be in everyone's best interest for you to maintain these traits, since these are what your girlfriend likely values the most from you.

An abrupt change will leave things in a terrible state. After all, no relationship-be it with a Filipina or not-can be harmonious without respect and patience. Love is great and everyone's desire for it is immediately understandable, but it goes without saying that it is hardly enough on its own.

Keep up your best behavior and there's a great chance your Filipina girlfriend will continue to be on hers as well.

Don't: Try to Change Her Ways

It never pays to try and change anyone. Never. Your Filipina girlfriend will not be an exception. By this point, you are well aware of the reality in the Philippines, be it good or bad or everything in between. You know who she is and have come to love her for it.

Should there be any issues, forcing change is never the answer. Trying to make her less of herself and more of someone that may better suit your 'ideal' is a surefire recipe for disaster. Authenticity is always healthy, even when there are areas of improvement for both of you.

The Innate Challenges of Dating a Filipina

Even the best of women and the best of scenarios will come with challenges. This fact is not meant to discourage anyone, but is instead intended to inform and help with any preparation that can help mitigate the difficulty of said challenges. When dating a Filipina, it is best to take note of the following notable issues:

The Stereotypes

You knew this was coming. For any Filipina to start dating a foreign man, she is already subjecting herself to the judgment of close-minded onlookers. Some of those may be strangers who do not know her, which is understandable. Yet, the sad part is that some of those close-minded people will include friends and family.

This is because even within Philippine society, the stereotype of the gold-digging pinay is already quite prominent. The worst part about it is that most know it to be untrue, yet the belief will almost always spring into people's heads, which is no doubt frustrating and hurtful to the interracial couple in question.

The Culture Shock

This particular challenge will go both ways for you and your Filipina partner. Even those who have lived in the Philippines for a long time will still find themselves surprised or dumbfounded by certain parts of the culture. Your Filipina partner will likewise feel the same about your own culture, even when she thinks she's acclimated enough to it.

As long as you two are together, there will always be a need to keep helping each other in adjusting to your respective cultures. That means mutual patience, tolerance, and compassion will never be unnecessary.

The Potential Long-Distance

Unless you are willing to move to the Philippines or if she's willing and capable of moving abroad, there may be times when your relationship will have to go through long-distance phases. Even for couples of the same nationality, a LDR is never easy to go through.

There will be so many challenges attached to this: adjusting to the differences in time, the loneliness, the misunderstandings, and the overall uncertainty. Long-distance can even serve to make or break couples. This specific challenge is definitely not for the faint of heart, nor is it for fragile relationships.

To reiterate Ursula Le Guin's immortal words, love doesn't just sit there, like a stone. Each dating success story is made up of people who showed up, faced their fears, bared their hearts, and took a chance, no matter the realities.

Then, those same people made the conscious decision as the years went by to keep working on it, echoing the rest of Le Guin's writing: Love has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new. Now that you've finished researching Philippine realities, are you prepared to do the same?

As tempting as it may be to believe that love will just fall on your lap, the truth is often further from the truth. Your journey for a love that lasts may not turn out exactly the way you imagined, but it can still prove to be a worthwhile one. Learning about Philippine realities will only make things easier.