When you're in a romantic relationship with someone, it's important to understand how you both look at love. This is where dating psychology comes in.
Being with a Filipina is a wonderful commitment that a lot of men make, but it doesn't come without challenges. You have to navigate cultural differences as well as communication issues. You have to deal with the opinion of other people.
You also need to learn things about dating behavior and psychology that can help you build a healthy and successful relationship not just between two people from different countries or even a man and a woman but between two individuals with different personalities, motivations, and life experiences.
Psychology of Dating
The American Psychological Association defines relationship as a "continuing and often committed association between two or more people." Some of the most prominent examples are friendships, romantic partnerships, and marriages, and those involved end up having some degree of influence on each other's thoughts, feelings, and actions.
When talking about the psychology behind dating, the goal is often to take a look at the mechanism that controls people within their relationships or when they're trying to find potential partners.
It can explain why women who date to marry value commitment and loyalty above all else. It can shed light on the reason behind someone being more comfortable with meeting new people online, while others prefer doing it in person.
Dating psychology can also help you identify what it is you truly want in a relationship and understand exactly why a lot of men from different countries have decided that they want to be with a Filipina.
Psychological Dating Theories
Countless scholars have published research on psychology and dating over the years.
Some built on the works of those who came before them, while others offered alternative or even contradictory perspectives. As a result, it can be difficult to pinpoint which studies are most suitable in explaining the ins and outs of a relationship between you and a woman from the Philippines.
But for a primer that covers both basic and relevant information, below are five theories you can start with:
Good Things Come in Threes
Feelings are a key factor when it comes to dating, which is why it's important to have a good foundation in your understanding of love.
The Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg is one such foundation. In this theory, Sternberg proposes that love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. When you factor in the combinations (or lack) of these three components, you get a total of eight kinds of love.
Intimacy talks about feelings of warmth and connection. It's concerned with how close partners are to each other. Intimacy alone is referred to as "liking." Intimacy with passion is called romantic love, while intimacy with commitment results in companionate love.
Passion involves romantic and physical attraction. Infatuation is what you get with only passion, while "fatuous love" is the combination of passion and commitment. According to Sternberg, without intimacy, you have the type of whirlwind romance often seen in Hollywood.
Commitment, on the other hand, is more cognitive than the other two components. It's concerned with both the short-term decision to be together and the long-term resolve to maintain the relationship.
Without any of the three components, you have nonlove, which is typical in casual interactions. But with all three, you get consummate love, or the type of love most people are searching for.
Learning the psychology of dating begins with understanding what love really is.
Chasing Satisfaction
The next four dating psychology theories were identified by researchers Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel as possible explanations for why people fall in love.
In the APA Handbook of Personality and Social Psychology, they outlined these key studies as instrumental in understanding the psychology of attraction and how it manifests in the dating world.
One of these theories is the Reward Theory of Attraction that was first developed by Pawel Lewicki. It states that people look for partners who are satisfying to be with or who they can easily associate with positive things and events.
If you find yourself looking for someone who makes you feel good about yourself or that you belong, someone who appreciates you and encourages you to grow, then that's the Reward Theory in play.
Opposites Don't Always Attract
The Attachment Theory introduced by British psychologist John Bowlby is another theory that aims to explain why people date who they date.
It starts with a child's relationship with their parents or primary caregiver and continues until they mature and start forming romantic connections.
Someone who grew up feeling unwanted can develop an anxious attachment style. This can lead to them becoming a clingy and highly emotional partner. They can also end up with trust issues and eventually develop a distant or avoidant attachment style.
Children with good parents who are attentive to their needs usually grow up to have a secure attachment style. They are often confident lovers who know what they deserve. Meanwhile, those with inconsistent caregivers can develop a disorganized attachment style, which can then manifest as erratic behavior in their relationships.
This theory also suggests that people usually gravitate toward those with the same attachment style, since it serves as a solid basis for attraction.
Men from Mars and Women from Venus
In this next theory, Eastwick and Finkel applied the Evolutionary Theory to dating psychology.
They argue that though men and women have a few similar preferences when it comes to choice of partners, evolution still forces them to prioritize different traits based on survival and reproduction.
Since the traditional role of a woman is to give birth and raise children, she will be attracted to strong men who can provide for her and her family. Men, on the other hand, will look for physically beautiful women who are often younger. To make sure his children are genetically his, a man will also prefer faithful women who will not be tempted by other men.
The psychology behind dating can explain why someone will or will not go on a date with you.
A Means to an End
Lastly, you have the Instrumentality Theory. Derived from Victor Vroom's Expectancy Theory, it states that people will date someone who can best help them achieve their most important goals at a given time.
If your current goal is to feel good about yourself, then you will likely be most attracted to someone who compliments and constantly hypes you up, someone people will envy you for having as a partner.
But if you already want to have a family and a lifelong partner, then you will be drawn to someone who is also looking for a committed relationship.
Men and Their Dating Preferences
How people identify what they want in a partner also has a lot to do with dating psychology.
Men, in particular, have conscious and subconscious ways of processing their interactions with other people and developing their dating preferences. While there are differences between individuals, many still tend to look for the same qualities due to shared culture, lifestyle, and experiences.
Common traits that make women good partners are among these similar preferences that can be explained by men's psychology in dating.
What they look for in a woman is part of men's psychology in dating.
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Beautiful or Physically Attractive
Physical appearance is one of the biggest factors that men consider when looking for a partner. Though a woman doesn't necessarily have to be conventionally attractive to catch the attention of guys, her looks still need to be appealing in some way.
Beauty is also something that Filipinas have in spades. In a survey conducted by Insider Monkey, the Philippines reached one of the top spots for countries with the most beautiful women in Asia.
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Easy to Connect With
Being able to connect with each other on a mental and emotional level is also important in a relationship. For men, this can manifest as a desire to meet a woman who is on the same wavelength - with the same goals, principles, and even sense of humor.
Filipinos are known to be great communicators with an excellent command of languages, particularly English. Having a woman who can easily understand him can make it easier for a man to build a strong, romantic connection.
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Caring and Passionate
It doesn't take an expert in dating psychology to know that a loving person is an ideal partner.
Women who are caring and passionate appeal to men who want to feel that they, too, deserve to be doted on and showered with affection. Since Filipinas are loving by nature, this preference of men makes them a good choice for a wife.
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Loyal and Committed
Their fidelity to family and desire for committed relationships are some of the qualities of Filipinas that men admire the most.
A lot of men want to someday start a family and build a legacy they can be proud of. This life goal needs a faithful partner with whom a man can slowly make that dream come true.
Filipinas and Female Dating Psychology
Just like in the premise for the Evolutionary Theory, it's also important to understand the female side of the dating psychology equation.
Some of the qualities that men look for in a partner may be the same for women, but gender and culture can still make a difference, especially when you're dating a Filipina.
Get the best chance of attracting women when you learn about female dating psychology.
What They Want
Most women in the Philippines want a committed and long-term relationship with someone they hope to marry in the future.
A research paper published in The Asia Pacific Journal of Anthropology stated that many Filipinas look for husbands abroad to fulfill a number of personal desires. Contrary to popular belief, it's not just because of economic reasons or social mobility.
The desire to meet, fall in love, and marry a man from another country can also be a process of self-actualization. Their quest for knowledge and experience of the world, as well as the qualities they look for in an ideal partner, may be easier for them to find in Western men.
How They Think and Act
When you're dating a Filipina, being able to know what she's thinking and what her actions mean can be a huge advantage.
Both of those, of course, involve a great deal of knowledge in dating psychology. A woman's desires inform her thoughts and actions. How she behaves and sees the world is also influenced by where she grew up, how she was raised, and who she's interacting with.
If you're vocal about prioritizing loyalty and commitment, then a Filipina may see you as an ideal candidate for the kind of committed relationship she's searching for.
And if you see a Filipina taking care of you and introducing you to her family, then those are great signs that that woman likes you very much.
Online Dating Psychology
The role of the internet in modern romance is more than just as the birthing place of countless dating trends.
Thanks to online dating, it has also become a major avenue for people from all over the world to meet and connect with each other.
To give yourself the best shot at utilizing technology in your relationships, it's useful to learn about the psychology behind people using the internet to find love.
Understanding online dating psychology is vital if you want to use the internet to find love.
Arguably the number one reason people turn to online dating is for convenience.
Meeting new people and finding out if you're compatible for a more serious relationship can take a lot of time and resources. When you want to date someone living halfway across the world, it can even feel downright impossible.
But dating apps and websites have made plenty of things easier.
You're too busy to travel and meet someone in person? Online dating makes it so you won't even need to leave your room to talk to them.
You don't feel comfortable being on a face-to-face date until you get to know them a little more? There are online dating services that allow you to send letters or even consult a matchmaker to help you evaluate someone before you commit to meeting them.
According to a Pew Research Center survey, 44% of online dating users turn to the internet to find a long-term partner. About 44% of adults in the United States also claim that online dating has made it easier to find their future spouse.
Essentially, the dating psychology behind people's motivations for using technology to search for love remains the same. The goal is often still to find someone to settle down with, only this time, there are more convenient methods.
What are its benefits and challenges?
Apart from convenience, online dating also offers plenty of other benefits:
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Shy people can use it to test the waters and improve their social skills.
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There are fewer risks to your physical safety compared to in-person dating.
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You can customize your search to fit your dating preferences.
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It's less expensive.
But just like any tool, online dating isn't perfect, and not all online dating platforms are created equal.
Some may provide you with all the benefits that you expect, but others can also maximize one feature and fail to deliver on the others. The key is learning how to choose the best online dating company and services that are best suited to your needs.
That way, you can eliminate most of the challenges that most people face, such as the following:
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Scammers that aim to exhort money from online dating users
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Risks to your personal information
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People lying about who they are to seem more attractive
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Limitations of technology
In the same survey by Pew Research Center, 78% of U.S. adults still doubt the capacity of dating algorithms to "predict love."
The same convenience that makes online dating appealing can also backfire, like scam operators abusing the system to commit crimes. Users can also grow complacent and assume that because of technology, they no longer have to actually meet people and work hard to build strong, healthy relationships.
Psychology Dating Tips
In one of his articles on Psychology Today, clinical psychologist Avrum Weiss shared that dating is primarily to look for someone you like, who preferably feels the same way, and get to know each other.
With knowledge of dating psychology, you'll have a better understanding of how people think and act, making it easier to find the person who will be the most suitable partner for you.
The following are some dating psychology tricks that are less about luck or magic and more how you can apply the science of mind and behavior to have better and healthier relationships:
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Have a deeper understanding of your dating preferences.
Your dating journey starts with you. The better grasp you have of what you want and why you want them, the easier it will be for you to look for someone who will fit your criteria for an ideal romantic partner.
Being more familiar with your dating preferences can also help you have realistic dating expectations. You can maintain a balance between what you're aiming for and what is sensible to ask from the person you're dating.
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Learn the reasons behind people's dating behavior.
Dating psychology is also your best reference for how someone behaves in a relationship.
Gone are the days of mixed signals and guessing games. You won't need to spend as much time racking your brain for the reason why a woman is upset or irritated with you. You'll only have to connect the dots using the lessons you've learned.
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Identify the best ways to resolve common relationship issues.
Relationships can be tough for people who are anxious about making a mistake or messing things up. Why go through all the trouble if there's a chance you'll break up anyway?
Lucky for you, understanding how relationship problems occur and how to deal with them is something psychology can greatly help you with. After all, conflicts are just another aspect of human behavior.
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Always remember what makes a relationship healthy and successful.
Lastly, the best way for you to apply your knowledge of dating psychology is by never forgetting what your standards should be for an ideal relationship.
Not only will they guide you in finding a good partner, they can also guarantee that you'll never have to settle for anything less than you deserve.
References
APA Dictionary of Psychology.” 2018. APA Dictionary of Psychology.
https://dictionary.apa.org/relationship
Bulloch, Hannah, and Michael Fabinyi. 2009. “Transnational Relationships, Transforming Selves: Filipinas Seeking Husbands Abroad.” The Asia Pacific Journal of Anthropology 10, no. 2 (June).
https://researchonline.jcu.edu.au/23179/1/Bulloch_and_Fabinyi_TAPJA.pdf
Collisson, Brian. 2022. “4 Theories on Why We Fall in Love.” Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-toxic-or-tender/202208/4-theories-why-we-fall-in-love
Myers, Eleanor. 2023. “Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love | 8 Types of Love.” Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/types-of-love-we-experience.html. Villegas, Mary. 2024. “Survey: Philippines among countries with most beautiful women in Asia list.” MSN.
https://www.msn.com/en-ph/news/other/survey-philippines-among-countries-with-most-beautiful-women-in-asia-list/ar-BB1oDAzK
Vogels, Emily A., and Colleen McClain. 2023. “Key findings about online dating in the U.S.” Pew Research Center.
https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/
Weiss, Avrum. 2023. “A Shrink's Take on Dating.” Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/from-fear-to-intimacy/202301/a-shrinks-take-on-dating