Parental Consent: Asking A Cebuana's Hand in Marriage
Ever recall asking for parental consent when you were still in school? Well, remember that feeling because asking for such doesn't stop even when you are an adult and dating a Filipina.
Even if you have earned her sweet yes and successfully asked for her hand in marriage, there's still one more step you need to go through before considering the wedding preparations.
You need to ask her family's consent to marry her.
But Why Should You Ask for Parental Consent?
It is Filipino tradition for the prospective groom to formally ask for a blessing from the bride's family. This is called pamalayi and has been practiced for centuries, continuing into modern times.
It isn't a requirement, but it signifies the genuine intention of the couple to start a life together.
Family and respect are highly significant in Filipino culture; thus, pamalayi is a way to honor the parents before the couple enters married life.
Pamalayi involves a well-brought-up and educated suitor and his family visiting the bride's family home to formally declare his intentions to marry their daughter. The groom-to-be's family can bring a gift for the hosts, usually in the form of Filipino dishes and delicacies.
This meeting can often be awkward, as it marks the first interaction between two families. Even the soon-to-be-weds will feel uneasy as they witness both sets of parents converse on wedding matters.
Do You Only Ask Her Father?
In most cultures, the groom only asks permission from the bride's father. However, in the Philippines, that is not the case.
To reiterate, Filipinos place great value on family. Therefore, in life-changing situations like marriage, they want the whole family to be involved in this joyous occasion. So, prepare to meet her extended family, such as her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
It might seem stressful to deal with the whole family. However, know that you've made it this far. You're a step away from reaching the bliss of married life.
What If They Say No?
If it were back then, you have to be prepared for rejection. But today, parents are more agreeable. You don't need to fear anything, as the bride's family rarely says no to the engagement. Thank God this kind of drama only happens in the movies.
Moreover, if you've been together for so long, her family will hardly contest your betrothal. Pamalayi in this day and age in the Philippines is only for formality's sake.
However, if her family DOES reject you, keep calm and express your good intentions for their daughter. There's no denying that her parents only want the best for her.
So, try to question their concerns. Are they worried about your financial capacity to sustain the marriage? Or do they worry about your religious differences?
Hopefully, after some reassurance, they will change their minds and give you their blessing.
When Should You Do It?
When you should do it is entirely up to you. It can be several days, a week, or a month after your actual proposal. However, it's wise to do it sooner rather than later. That way, you can focus on the wedding preparations and the like.
Prepare to Be In the Hot Seat
Marrying a Cebuana is not easy. Even if she agrees to your proposal, the path is still unclear. You'll still have to jump through hoops in the form of her family before you can achieve your happily ever after.
Prepare to be in the hot seat once you've asked for parental consent.
Her family will throw difficult questions at you and maybe a few side eyes here and there. But understand that they only want to assess whether you'll make their daughter happy and content. Just answer their queries from the heart, and you'll also win them over.
And before I forget, when they offer you an alcoholic drink or two, never turn it down. It's part of pamalayi and helps you loosen up.
Good luck and best wishes on your upcoming marriage!