Common Mistakes in Relationships | How to Cope

It’s common knowledge that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” person or a “perfect relationship.” Anyone emotionally mature enough to hold realistic views of serious relationships wouldn’t bother to ask for perfection.

But a loving, healthy relationship is as close to perfect as anyone can get.

So, in the interest of “healthy,” it’s only practical to know how to cope with common relationship mistakes. After all, sometimes, we just can’t avoid them.

But before we get into that, we should first ask, “What are the common mistakes in relationships?”

Common relationship mistakes include the following:

Lack of communication

Keeping secrets from your partner

Blaming each other or not owning one’s mistakes

Not knowing how to resolve conflict healthily

Comparing your relationship with those of others

Not having time for your partner and family

And those are just the common ones. Does it sound like too much? Fret not. In this article, we’ll delve into the ways that you can cope with these mistakes.

Communicate Better, Not Just More

According to an article by the Marcia Mediation Group published in their website, a large part of arguments ensue as a result of communication breakdown. Communication problems are the most common reason cited for divorce, accounting for 65% of broken marriages, followed by an inability to resolve issues by the couple, which accounts for 43%.

Communication matters because people are social beings. We depend on communication for smooth daily interaction. Conversation matters even more when it comes to relationships and family, because these are the people we are closest to.

But not everyone is the best communicator out there, and sometimes, even with the best of intentions, people end up misunderstanding each other.

So how should couples cope when there’s been a misunderstanding?

When couples misunderstand each other, that usually means they either tried to communicate but gave up out of frustration, or they each took for granted that they knew what the other meant.

Coping with misunderstandings means couples need to be willing to backtrack to the point where the misunderstanding occurred. This isn’t so they can blame each other, but so they can clarify things. They should also be willing to admit that they misunderstood each other and to work together to resolve their issues.

If this happens to you, remember that effective communication involves active listening. Listen to what your partner is saying and ask them what they mean or to clarify things for you if you simply don’t understand.

Avoid making assumptions and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

And if you find that the conversation is getting too heated? Be willing to walk away from it for a little while. Give each other time to cool down.

If You Haven’t Been Honest, Come Clean

Lying and keeping secrets are two activities that get the most blame when people talk about what hurts the most.

Yet a lot of couples think that honesty is overrated. Some even think the topic of “honesty” is dull.

But honesty is undeniably important in a relationship. Without it, relationships will eventually fall apart.

Still, it’s unlikely for couples to be 100% honest all the time. If you’ve ever told your partner a white lie to spare their feelings, or if you’ve withheld information that doesn’t impact your relationship but your partner is curious about, then you’ve been dishonest. But you haven’t betrayed your relationship.

Lies are so commonplace that they’re almost normalized. They shouldn’t be. Telling the truth is one way of avoiding and coping with these kinds of mistakes in relationships.

Be honest as often as possible. You might feel, at times, that a white lie is necessary. At times, it is. But there are times when a barebones version of the truth will work as well as a white lie.

Let’s put it this way: you’ve had a bad day and you have a lot on your mind. Your partner asks if you’re okay, and you know you’re temporarily not. You can easily say, “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

It’s a white lie, but one that gives you time to recuperate from your stressful day without having to explain yourself just yet and prevents your partner from worrying.

Alternatively, you can also just tell the truth without going into detail. You can say, “No, I’m not, but I don’t really feel like getting into it right now. I just need to rest for a bit.”

It’s the truth, but it doesn’t have to lead to a long, tiresome conversation that you’re just not ready for at the moment.

There is harmony when there is trust, and trust is nurtured by truth. Even when you feel the need to tell a white lie, do so only when necessary and don’t make a habit out of it.

Take Accountability for Your Mistakes

As human beings, we all make mistakes. This is standard knowledge.

We can ask each other what are the common mistakes in relationships so we can avoid them, but there will be other mistakes we simply can’t sidestep or ignore.

If you’ve ever been in this situation, you’ve probably wondered how to cope and how to help your partner cope with you.

Taking accountability is the first step. You have to hold yourself responsible for the mistakes you make. You also have to be proactive in correcting those mistakes.

Be willing to listen to your partner tell you how you’ve made them feel. The mistakes you make may not affect you directly, but they’ll impact your partner. Listening to them makes them feel like their feelings are valid, which they are.

Still, be mindful and self-aware. You may be willing to own up to your shortcomings, but who is to say your partner is as mature as you are?

Don’t fall into the habit of taking the blame for something you didn’t do. You might just be enabling your partner’s tendency to play the blame game.

Once more, effective communication and honesty come in handy. Communication skills allow you to explain your side and express yourself without coming across as accusatory. Honesty allows you to stand up for yourself because the truth is empowering.

Practice Healthy Conflict Resolution Methods

When mistakes happen, conflict usually follows.

This is when couples argue. This is when they stop communicating out of resentment. At times, they may even try to hurt each other.

From a small misunderstanding, a full-blown battle of wills could erupt. A white lie could be the reason for the loss of trust. Your relationship could end.

So how should you cope when conflict arises in your relationship?

You and your partner should practice healthy conflict resolution methods. In a nutshell, these methods are the couple standing together instead of against each other. They focus on the problem, not on who’s to blame.

These methods will differ because couples differ. Some couples apply the “Don’t let the sun set on an argument,” method. They make sure they’ve talked through any argument before the day is up.

But for others, that may not be practical. So they instead agree to give each other space.

Know yourself and your partner. Let your partner know the real you. Remember that when conflict arises, it’s the two of you against the problem and not the two of you against each other.

Enrich Your Relationship by Not Comparing It to Others’

“Why can’t we be like them?”

Yet another answer to the “what are the common mistakes in relationships” question is comparison.

You often hear people claiming they feel bad because they don’t meet the standards set by social media.

They compare themselves to others and think that they’re lacking. Couples are no exception. If you and your partner are going through problems, you might find yourself envying happy couples.

But don’t compare yourself to others because you are not traveling the same path. You should break that habit of comparison and instead focus on your life and think about yourself more positively.

Easy to say, right? How about giving it a try?

Try talking to your partner so you can really understand each other. Be aware of your shortcomings and improve on them. Help your partner overcome theirs.

Practice being more grateful and appreciative of all the positive aspects of your relationship, and work with your partner to maintain them.

Enrich your relationship instead of comparing it to others. It works.

Spend Time with Your Partner and Family

Based on the data provided by ACT for Youth under Youth Statistics: Family Structure and Relationships, fathers spent an average of 4.4 hours a day with or caring for their children. By comparison, mothers spent an average of 5.6 hours a day.

The data also stated that a high-quality marriage helps improve young people’s psychological health and overall well-being.

You might think, “So what? My partner and I don’t have kids.”

Well, maybe not. But remember that you were someone else’s kid at some point. Your partner was too.

How you turned out, the adults you became, are largely influenced by the family dynamics you grew up with.

One of the things that ruin relationships is the lack of quality time together. Time has always been hard to find, especially when you think of all the necessities people have to juggle: work, school, and a host of other responsibilities that we just can’t turn our backs on.

However, the thing about quality time is that it’s not always about the amount of time. That’s why it’s quality and not quantity.

So how do you cope with this mistake?

Well, first, stop thinking you can never find the time. Instead, start thinking of how to spend the time you do have.

Proper time management can be very helpful and so can routine. Routine is not a bad thing. It can be the saving grace of your relationship if you do it right.

You already have your work hours set aside. Similarly, try setting aside time for just you and your partner. Go on date nights regularly. You can set aside the first Saturday night of the month as date night – you both get all dressed up and go somewhere nice and romantic.

After work, you can make it a point to have dinner together, if you can, and talk about your day. It sounds so basic, yet it can mean so much. It means that you’re willing to share your life with your partner; that they’re included in your day to day.

On the weekends, you can do your chores together. It may not sound romantic, but think of all the playful banter you two can enjoy while getting things done around the house. Even a regular trip to the grocery store can feel like an excuse to go on mini-dates, complete with stops at your favorite diner or coffee shop or to catch a movie if you can.

Taking care of your physical health is essential, as well, so you can have the energy. Quality time requires that you be fully present with your partner.

Overall, you know best what takes up most of your time. Communicate with your partner so you can both reach an agreement that will benefit you both.

Are Mistakes in Relationships Okay?

Yes and no.

Yes, because we all make mistakes anyway. It’s impossible to get everything right every time.

And no. Not if you think that since mistakes are common, you shouldn’t be blamed for them.

If you care about something and someone, you’ll care about doing right by them.

Mistakes happen despite your best efforts, not because you didn’t try. Being human may mean you’re flawed, but it doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

Give it your best shot and meet your partner halfway.