Considering When to Walk Away From Someone With Mental Illness

Marriage as a holy sacrament and institution is viewed with high esteem in the Philippines, the only remaining country other than the Vatican where divorce isn’t legalized.

Having Catholicism at the heart of the country, this issue has taken the media and the streets by storm as some Filipinos strongly hold onto the Catholic church’s influence, claiming that divorce is a sign of weakness in marital bonds and may bolster violence. On the other hand, other Filipinos see this as a light of hope, especially those in abusive marriages. Knowing when to walk away from someone with mental illness is crucial because marriage should promote greater well-being in terms of life satisfaction and self-regard.

With nothing but annulment as the choice to separate from a failing marriage, separation due to psychological incapacity is no stranger to Filipinos. This allows the nullification of a marriage if one or both individuals cannot mentally comply with the union’s obligations at the time of marriage. However, due process is known to be costly and lengthy before a marriage can be officially annulled.

In addition, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimated that around 154 million Filipinos suffer from depression, 1 million from schizophrenia, 15.3 million from substance abuse, and 877,000 die from suicide as stated by the Department of Health (2018). This boils down to determining that perhaps Filipinos aren’t the happy people that the world labels them. Not only because of poor conditions but also because of society’s high expectations. Over time, this created a toxic culture where self-advocacy is seen as rebellious or selfish.

On the bright side, the thriving mental health awareness in today’s generation slowly unfolds our ability to break generational cycles. While there is a positive aspect to being in a relationship, it’s important to recognize the dark parts of it, especially when you are living with a spouse with mental illness to know when to take the exit.

When Should You Walk Away From Someone With Mental Illness?

Being with someone with a mental illness can be taxing. It’s important to consider these important signs as you reconsider the relationship to keep you from further danger:

1. You’re Being Emotionally and Physically Harmed

If your safety concerns aren’t being considered, this is a clear indication that your relationship is unlawful and should be a critical consideration in deciding whether or not to walk away from someone with mental illness. You should emphasize your well-being above your relationship by being firm with your boundaries, being open to your trusted peers or family members, or informing the authorities or mental health professionals for you to be given proper assistance.

2. Your Partner Isn’t Actively Seeking Treatment

It is valid to feel distressed or upset when your partner’s mental illness is disrupting your life and they refuse to seek professional help to properly navigate and cope with their symptoms. If you have exhausted all your efforts, walking away might be the best choice for both of you.

3. You Are Feeling Resentful

Resentment is a toxic emotion capable of poisoning any relationship. While it’s understandable that you feel resentful for your sacrifices due to the imbalance in your relationship, it helps to address this openly and honestly to your partner or to trusted loved ones to find solutions that align with your needs.

4. You Feel Isolated or Alone

This is a reminder to acknowledge your support systems, be it friends, family, or even a mental health expert. It’s okay to reach out to them for guidance and reassurance. It is also good to encourage your partner to do the same. Know that a healthy relationship shouldn’t make you lose your sense of community or belonging.

5. You Are Neglecting Your Responsibilities

You may find yourself prioritizing your partner’s needs over yours, which ends with you setting aside your responsibilities at home, in your career, or even to yourself. This only leads to more resentment and towards your own declining mental health. It’s meaningful to seek a healthy balance between tending to your partner’s needs and yours.

6. Your Physical Health Is Declining

This correlates with your poor mental and emotional well-being. If you have observed a loss of appetite, weight changes, sleeping difficulty, or manifestations of physical illness, it’s a signal that your relationship has negatively impacted your overall welfare. Do not hesitate to seek medical care to aid you with the health concerns you are experiencing.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

When you are loving someone with a mental illness, it’s easy to feel like you should carry all the responsibilities. Setting healthy boundaries and being firm with these is crucial. As much as you want to stick with them because you feel bad for them, pitying isn’t helpful. It is essential to develop an understanding that an individual with a mental illness is capable of doing extraordinary things, too.

Here are a few tips to help you regulate your boundaries:

1. Learn and Understand Their Illness

With psychoeducation and the proper guidance of a mental health professional, you get to be more aware of what is within your control and what is not. In this way, you develop understanding and effectively show support to them. You also get to have a better idea of how to manage their symptoms and cope with less stress.

2. Establish a Balanced Routine

You may list down self-care habits and apply what works for you. For example, having long walks every evening to help your mind relax and get your body moving at the same time. Also, devote time to your hobbies or new interests you want to explore. Attending to your partner’s needs can affect your daily routine, so make sure to establish a healthy and well-balanced schedule.

3. Seek Help

Self-care also means asking for help. You don’t have to deal with your challenges alone. Surround yourself with an understanding and supportive circle. Talk to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a family member. This can lessen feelings of burnout and can take the load off your shoulders.

4. Acknowledge the Positive Aspects

Try to keep positive communication with them. Check-in with each other regularly so you can be there for each other in the ways you need most. Having a partner with mental illness may not be ideal, but just like any other ordinary relationship, there will always be room for unexpected joy and progress.

5. Set Consequences

With this, you are holding them accountable for their actions whenever they cross your boundaries. However, the consequences should be reasonable and rooted to promote a positive change towards them.

With several mental health concerns in the Philippines that include stigma, limited access to help, and an increasing number of mental disorders, knowing when to walk away from someone with mental illness can feel so wrong, but it is most important to show compassion to yourself by taking a step back yet still approach the situation with kindness and empathy.

Once you’ve committed to your decision to leave, don’t blame yourself. You aren’t responsible for fixing your partner.