How to Take Space in a Relationship Without Breaking Up

Every couple will face both ups and downs in their relationship.

At the height of romance, you are often at your happiest. You believe your love for each other can stand the test of time and weather whatever challenges may come your way.

But sometimes, these challenges will involve figuring out how to take space in a relationship without breaking up. If you and your partner face this kind of dilemma, it's important to know the best steps to take.

Difference Between Needing Space and Breaking Up

In an article for Men's Health magazine, research professor Arthur Aron shared that needing space in a relationship doesn't automatically mean the couple is doomed. The things that partners learn and experience in other parts of their lives can, in fact, help enrich their bond.

When you need space, you are acknowledging the fact that couples don't always have to be together to maintain a healthy and successful relationship. Even if you need time away from each other because of an issue, there's still an implicit agreement that you want to fix things and stay together.

Wanting to break up, on the other hand, is usually associated with giving up any hope of making things work. One or both of you have accepted that it's time for the relationship to end, so instead of space, you are asking for the freedom to move on and pursue other things or be with other people.

Things to Figure Out When a Partner Needs Space

Since the line between temporary and final separation can be very thin, it's crucial for you to know exactly how to take space in a relationship without breaking up or giving your partner the wrong idea.

To avoid miscommunication, you both need to be on the same page when it comes to certain key aspects before deciding to take a break.

Why Are You Asking for Space?

It has to be clear why someone is asking for space.

Not only is it useful in understanding what kind of effect a short break will have on your relationship, it can also help you realize whether or not space is what you really need. Maybe you're just due for a long and honest conversation. Maybe you just need to spend more quality time together.

With a good reason that you both find acceptable, you can better outline your goals and definition of what space in your relationship entails. It's still a team effort, and neither of you will lose sight of what's truly important.

What Is the Meaning of Giving Someone Space?

According to Psychology Today, there are plenty of motivations behind one partner asking for space.

It can be a desire for personal growth, independence, or autonomy. Perhaps one of you feels emotionally overwhelmed or needs time to reevaluate your relationship. Sometimes, you may even need space to deal with a conflict.

Ultimately, the reason you're giving each other space will be what guides your time apart.

If it's for personal growth or independence, then your break should be spent pursuing individual goals that you didn't have time for when you were busy with your relationship. If it's because you're emotionally overwhelmed, then you need to set rules about how much contact you can have during this time.

If you or your partner is asking for space to reevaluate your relationship, then you have to come to an agreement about what you're allowed and not allowed to do while on a break. Can you casually date other people? Do you need to meet up with an ex to confirm that you made the right decision? Are there any what-ifs that you have to confront before recommitting yourself to your relationship?

There are many factors to consider, and it's up to the two of you to discuss them with each other.

How Long Should a Relationship Break Be?

Aside from learning how to take space in a relationship without breaking up, it's also important to know how long a temporary break is supposed to be.

Therapist Hatty J. Lee told Women's Health that she wouldn't recommend anything longer than four to six weeks. Lee said that timeframe is often where couples go wrong, and a few weeks is typically enough for people in a relationship to decide on the best way forward.

It will also depend on what your objectives are and exactly what you hope to achieve by giving your partner and yourself space. Remember, you don't want to risk being apart for so long that you'll only end up drifting further away instead of coming back stronger.

How to Ask for Space in a Relationship

Be Honest and Practice Open Communication

Healthy communication is key to a healthy relationship.

It's important when you're building it, when you're maintaining it, and even when you're discussing how to take a break from it.

Being honest about why you want space in a relationship will let your partner know that you still love and respect them. It will also help you avoid misunderstandings and doubts. When you're honest, you're giving your partner the chance to support and help you achieve whatever it is you're aiming for.

Set Concrete Goals

Having clearly defined objectives is also crucial when you're taking a break in your relationship.

Your goals will determine how long you need space and when you'll know it's time to return and reaffirm your commitment to your partner. With clear objectives, you'll be motivated to work hard and use the time away wisely instead of getting stuck in limbo and further risking your relationship.

Have Faith in Each Other

In the end, you and your partner must trust each other if you want to figure out how to take space in a relationship without breaking up.

The very act of asking for space requires a great amount of faith: faith in your partner that they will understand without doubting your love for them and faith in yourself to know what's best for both of you.

Couples who take a break usually end up separating for good because the space paved the way for doubt and insecurities. Without trust, time away from each other can only make negative thoughts fester and push you to do things you'll eventually regret.

Does Space Help a Broken Relationship?

Several therapists told Psych Central that space can help heal a relationship.

It's especially beneficial for couples who have developed unhealthy or toxic habits that make them unable to think clearly and treat each other right. If they refuse to have space, they're more likely to get pushed into breaking up.

However, rules and parameters must be established in advance. A break only works if both partners make the most of their time away from each other. They need to set boundaries and have the same understanding of what their space is supposed to be for.

If no positive changes occur while the couple is on break, then that space is all for nothing. Without effort and commitment, they will only return to the same bad habits and make the same mistakes.

Space can't heal something that has already been broken beyond repair. It also can't bring together two people who have never been good for each other.